FIRST DRAFT: Apr 05, AU Edition

MATT HAYDEN
One of our youngest insiders recorded the following exchange at Kirribilli Kindie…

Master John (waving a jewel-encrusted rattle): I’m da king of da castle! You da dirty rascal!
Master Peter: Not fair! I want da big rattle now. My turn. MY TURN!
Master John: No. It mine. All mine. Wanna hit Big Fat Kimby on da head again. One two three time hit him on da head! Yippee!
Master Peter: But you said. You said you’d give me da rattle. I wanna be king now!
Master John: How you can be king? You we… wepub… wepubwican!
Master Peter: OK fine! I want da big rattle so I can be pwesident! Give me rattle! NOW!
Master John: No! It mine! Forever! You, never! Hahaha! Da people, dey all love me! Dey hate you! You da cold one!
Master Peter: Liar! You said intwest wates stay same! Dey go up! You told fib! Liar liar pants on fire!
Master John: Who side you on? You sound like Big Fat Kimby now! Money your job…You do all da stuff wid da play money.

Master Peter: No fair! I done good job! I done ten budgets! And I’m still only dis many! You try dat! Me do better dan you could do.
Master John (waving rattle further away): No. It mine. I love da rattle. It love me. Mine.
Master Peter (collapsing in corner): You just wanna beat Dada Bob, dat why. Dada Bob had da big rattle longer dan anyone. You just want to beat him.
Master John: Don’t bring Dada Bob into dis. Dada Bob my dada. Dada Bob my hero, My dada better than your dada.
Master Peter: Dada Bob my hero too! Dada Bob my dada too!
Master John: No he not. Your dada…DADA GOUGH!
Master Peter: WAAAH! WAAH! You so mean!
Master John: No! It true! You we… wep… wepubwican! You mess up budget! You make intwest wates go BOOM! And you went on “sorry toddle”. Dada Gough proud of you!
***
Suddenly a little girl in red diapers appears outside
the playpen:
Little Ms. Julia: Dada Gough my dada!
Master John: Ick. It Little Miss Julia.
Little Ms. Julia: Little Ms Julia to you, poohead!
Master Peter: Eeek! Girl germs! Girl germs!
Master John: Commie germs! Commie germs!
Little Ms. Julia (lunging through playpen bars at the rattle): Gimme dat!
Master John: Why you here? What you doing here? Why no Big Fat Kimby?
Little Ms. Julia: He twied. He dwess up like Mandy Vandy. Got caught. Give me rattle! Me want rattle too!
Master John: Commies in da kindy! Commies in
da kindy!
Master Peter: Yeah! Commies in da kindy!
***
Suddenly a nanny appears:
Nanny: Oh dear, I smell a smell…
All three in unison: Wah! Wah! Wah!