FIRST DRAFT: May 05, AU Edition

MATT HAYDEN
Even Kofi Annan’s got his own weblog now…
MARCH 21 2005
Man, this investigation into Kojo and me is a real drag. It’s total pressure, 24-7! I thought having this position meant I wouldn’t have to put up with this kind of thing. Like, dude, where’s my diplomatic
immunity?
But no, they have to investigate everything. Everything, going back aaages. Like, hello! Cotecna? Who are they? I don’t remember.
Cotecna, Coshmecna.
And that Paul Volcker guy. Man, he is such a wingnut.
The worst thing is that I appointed him. Sheesh. What was I thinking?
Hey, Volcker! Investigate this.
posted by GenSec at 12:26 PM
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MARCH 24 2005
Man, this Cotecna thing is really ruining my reputation. Like, I just ran a Google ego search. I’m a pariah! Not so long ago I was a superstar on the world stage. I was pretty fly (for a black guy). Not any longer. I’ve gone from hero to zero in, like, days. This is sooo not happening.
Not that I’m in this just for the glory, mind. I just want to do my job. And it’s one helluva tough job. No, really! It’s not all receptions and champers and canapes, you know. There are medals of honor to receive; genocide reports to quash. (Like, words are important, dude. There really is a difference between mass murder and genocide, okay? Trust me.) Still, when all the drudgery is done I can enjoy the best part: I get to be concerned. I just love that … Being concerned – it’s a buzz, man!
That’s why I hate all this controversy. I want to be concerned about the world. I don’t want the world being so concerned about me. You dig?
posted by GenSec at 4.34 PM
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APRIL 1 2005
It’s April Fool’s Day, alright. Now the World Bank is headed by a neo-con.
I had to put up with sniping from that guy and his cronies for, like, years man! “You’re too weak with dictators … Act on Iraq … Do something, for God’s sake” … Etc.
But the UN couldn’t win, could it? When I did nothing, the Yanks had a field day. But if I’d said go in and kick butt, the member states would have gone all medieval on my ass. As I posted at the time: Saddamned if you do. Saddamned if you don’t.
Why won’t they shut up about “oil-for-food” …
Hey, Wolfie and Co., read my lips: I did not have financial relations with that man Saddam Hussein!
But now I’ve got to have financial relations with Wolfie?
Jeebus, what a drag. I might just quit after all.
posted by GenSec at 9.40 AM
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