Stupid is as stupid votes

By Celia Rivenbark
McClatchy-Tribune News Service

Poor Joe Biden. A video gone viral and produced by Yahoo News shows a series of man-on-the-street interviews in which the majority of people asked couldn’t recall the name the Vice President of the United States. And I’m not talking about an old dead Vice President like the one who served under Zachary Taylor Swift. I’m talking about the one who lives right this minute at 1313 Mockingbird Lane, Washingtonville.

Not only did they not know Biden’s name, a scary number thought that there were only 52 U.S. Senators and members of the House. Perhaps the theory was that there was one senator and representative from each state. Yep, that’s probably it.

All of which just makes me wonder why people even bother to run for office. You spend 500 million dollars to win an office only to discover that the average, well, yahoo, on the street doesn’t know your name? You’d be better off changing your name to Bob Evans so at least people would go, “Love your stacked-and-stuffed hotcakes. Your honorship.”

There was a lot of “push polling” this election year. I talked to one phone pollster because I believe it’s crucial to take part in the American political process whenever possible. Well, that and also because the bastards at ABC Family yanked “Friday Night Lights” in mid-season so I suddenly had 6 p.m. pretty wide open. The survey started out fine but a few minutes in, began to rapidly disintegrate.

“Would you vote for Candidate A. if you knew that he wanted to gamble with the financial security of your children and grandchildren?” That seemed a bit hysterical so I stopped them before they could get to Question 10 which I figured would be something on the order of: “Did you realize that Candidate A. juggles dead puppies for his private amusement? Or Question 11: “Did you know that, if elected, it is HIGHLY LIKELY that Candidate A. will not only not do absolutely nothing to ease the terrible unemployment in your community but also will actively work to make sure that your particular job is immediately outsourced to China? What’s that, you say? You work at Fashion Bug and you don’t think there are any Fashion Bugs in China? Ha! What do you know? You thought “Henry Clinton” was the Speaker of the House.

My favorite of the Yahoo respondents was a young man who tried desperately to recall the name of Senate Majority leader Harry Reid. Finally, taking pity on him, the interviewer said, leadingly, “Harrrrrryyyy…” and the fellow brightened and said, “Truman!”

Did these people all spent too much time riding their bicycles behind the mosquito truck when they were kids? No point fretting about it now. In the words of that great American Ron White, you can’t fix stupid.